Why We Lie

Why do we lie? The answer is simple: we don’t want to get in trouble, but what did we do in the first place that forced us to create the lie? Did we make a promise then break it? Did we go somewhere we were specifically told not to go? Did we promise fidelity but make an impulsive choice in a moment of substance use? Lying could be as simple as telling someone you “forgot” something to denying a pattern of substance abuse altogether. No matter the scenario, lying, even once, creates a web of tales and false accounts that grows until it becomes unmanageable. After a while, we may forget what’s real and what’s imagined.

However, there are other reasons we lie, and they are rooted deep within our psyches. Sometimes we lie because we are unhappy; we want reality to be different. Maybe we want more attention. Maybe we exaggerate to add flavor to our lives. Or maybe we wish our lie was actually our reality. Whatever the reason, when you lie, you negate your own integrity and the ability for people to trust and respect you.

Think about that for a moment. When you lie, the person you really hurt is yourself. People stop trusting you, and they may walk away from the relationship altogether. And what if we are lying to our parents and teachers? How will they regain the trust they spent time building with you? Trust and respect are earned. They take time and energy to create. However, it takes one lie to tear all of that down, and for some people, they won’t be willing to start over. To stop this pattern, it all starts with you. When do you lie and why?

Breaking the Habit

If you know you lie and or are prone to it when backed into a corner, it’s important to stop yourself in the moment and ask yourself a few questions. If you can acknowledge and follow this pattern, you can break the bad habit once and for all.

• What actions are causing you to lie?

• Are you in control of these actions? 
• Could you have prevented yourself from being in this situation/experience?

• If the lie has nothing to do with covering up your behaviors, why are you lying?

• Are you looking for attention?
• Are you trying to impress someone?
• Are you unhappy with your life?

Every time you speak, stop and ask yourself: is what I’m about to say true? If not, ask yourself why you feel the need to lie.

Lying and Substance

When it comes to addiction and substance, it becomes very easy to lie to ourselves about why we want to drink, smoke, or put a substance into our bodies. More often than not, we tend to tell ourselves we don’t have a problem, we only use socially, or that we don’t have any trauma to mask. But these lies are part of addiction’s disease. Addiction will tell us whatever it has to to get us to continue self-harming behaviors. Addiction lies to us, and in turn, we lie to ourselves.

This is where treatment can be a life-changing opportunity. Working with a therapist or becoming part of a group therapy program can help you acknowledge the underlying problems that are causing you to use/drink and lie. By doing so, you regain the ability to start over and take control of the narratives you are spreading and help you regain trust, respect, and integrity.

The Bridge NYC is a boutique luxury sober living facility for men seeking a concierge experience to balance outpatient programs, school, or work-life resulting in a sustainable, lasting recovery. Call  (646) 928 0085 today for more information about admissions or The Clean Fun Network.